Friday, October 03, 2008

Just some feelings

Recently, I've been posting several "happenings" throughout my travels.  I haven't really written about my thoughts during these adventures.  Ironically, I feel very separated from emotion... almost callous.  I don't know how to feel, and I've begun to look at everything very logically.  My dad often points out that my favorite phrase is "It's just the way it is."  Many things happen completely out of my control, and there's no sense worrying about these things.  At least this is the way I've been feeling.

Especially over the past couple months, I've felt a few years older.  This may make some of you laugh because I'm always the baby wherever I go.  I'm only 22, but I feel like I gained some years along the way.

I've been traveling around the country, attending meetings, speaking in front of hundreds (adding up to thousands) of people, and preparing to make an enormous change in my life.  My thoughts have shifted to visas, passports, packing lists, airplane tickets, solar panels, modes of transportation, language learning strategies, water purification methods, budgets, insurance, and such things.  Sometimes I just want to stop, color, and climb a tree.

At times I feel very alone in my journey especially when the first thing many people ask is "Why are you going alone?" or "How are you going to bear the loneliness?"  This honesty feels harsh at times, but I'm grateful for it because of the reminder it brings:

I am not alone.

Hundreds of people around the country have committed to supporting me prayerfully.  I sense these prayers and the presence of my everpresent Father.  I may be young and naive, but I often wonder why I should fear as many expect me to do.  Yes, I am moving to a foreign country where I don't know the people or language to live in a rural village half an hour from my co-workers.  For some strange reason, I have great comfort and peace through all of this.  I feel secure in my calling and confident in my leader who is also my Savior.

I just began reading Joshua this week.  In the midst of the devastating death of Moses and the transitions Israel was going through, the Lord tells Joshua,

"Be strong and very courageous.  Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Then you will be prosperous and successful.

Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Don't we serve an incredibly understanding God?  I love Him.


  1. hey ruthie. the things that are filling up our heads are vastly different... but i know the feeling of wanting to stop, color and climb a tree. well put! you have a magnetic personality and seem to be able to connect and make friends with people wherever you go. what a rich tapestry of life you are weaving! and yes, you are in the prayers of many.

  2. Ruthie--I was in your place last year about this time... I'll be praying for you! Sorry we can't be neighbours!

  3. Thank you SO much, Rachel! You are so sweet. I love keeping up with your blog. You make me laugh often. I wish I could be at the baptism with the whole crew, but it's not happening. :( Give Hannah some smooches for me (and the rest...well most of the rest)

    Thanks for the prayers, Karen! I am totally bumbed that we're not neighbors, but I trust that you're trusting and following our fantastic Savior in the midst of all this change in your own life! Bless you, dear!

  4. I think someone once said or something similar, "The art of detachment is found in prayer."


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