Bulldozed…or something

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  I have not updated this thing in a while for good reason, or what I like to think are good reasons.  Probably the same reasons why I haven’t cleaned my room in four weeks, why my library books are due and I haven’t read them, and why I have stacks of boxes in various parts of the house that need to be sorted and packed.

Reason #1:

My progress updates are on hold.  I don’t know what the next step is yet.  I still don’t have my visa for Nigeria.  Though this isn’t a good reason for the above cleaning and reading issues (that reason is below), it does take a lot of motivation away from packing.  I was expecting and hoping to leave for Africa at the end of January, but God has a different plan.  This is okay.  Actually this is best.  He knows best.

Reason #2:

I may not have fallen off the face of the earth, but I have fallen extremely hard for a young man.  He’s pretty much the man of the dreams that I haven’t had for a while.  I was convinced that I wanted to be the next Mary Slessor or Marilyn Lazlo or Joann Shetler or Amy Charmichael or… you get the idea.  I’m learning more about God’s heart and with what He is pleased…what He instituted and planned from the beginning of time.  So besides continuing with preparations for Nigeria, I spend nearly every waking moment with this newfound love the Lord has placed in my life… more like this newfound love with which the Lord has surprisingly bulldozed me.

I don’t quite know how God is going to fit everything together.  He’s working in my life, and it is very obvious to me that He has a plan in all of this.  Even though it is quite frustrating for me, an obsessive planner, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  This time of waiting, surrendering, and processing, has taught me extremely valuable lessons.

I still want to go to Nigeria.  I am still preparing for translation work with LBT among the Yala people.  I still have a desire to honor this commitment, but I am open to the Father’s leading.  He knows me.  He knows what’s good for me.  He knows how my life will honor Him best.  I will continue to wait for my visa and prepare for work in Nigeria, but all that I can really do is be a humble, willing, and teachable servant of the Most High King.  I can’t even do this without His Spirit.  I’m still learning about this.

This passage has been an encouragement to Josh (the dreamboat mentioned above) and me as we seek Him, our Shepherd.  He knows us, and we want to know Him more.  A beautiful version of this passage is sung by a friend of mine here.

PSALM 139

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
       Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
       if I make my bed in the depths,  you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
       if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
       your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
       and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
       the night will shine like the day,
       for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
       when I was made in the secret place.
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
       How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,
       they would outnumber the grains of sand.
       When I awake,
       I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
       Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
       your adversaries misuse your name.

²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
       and abhor those who rise up against you?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
       I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
       test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
       and lead me in the way everlasting.